Sword to cut through the thorns
by Tokyoghoulre
Summary: Tsukiyama shuu left scarred by the death of his late friend kaneki ken, depression overtook his life, but when a pair of scented underwear make their way into his room, changes the path of his depression. haisextsukiyama
1. I

_It had started with the café, though it seems like a fairy tale or rather even a story waiting to end happily with a cheesy ending, it is not. This same outtake is seen on the gourmet a cheesy and seemingly cultured individual with a interesting fashion sense. _

The day they had met was crisp, the air was nestled with the scent of humans, their food, and the aroma of passing cars. It wasn't an extremely pleasant scent for shuu, besides the scent of prey. Ward 20 had calmed right down in the past few days, going from ghouls unable to leave their own homes to feed to now almost no investigators on the street, it was a relief to most including shuu himself.

He had much business to attend to in the twentieth ward, which included heading to that café, the one that housed kirshima-san, he found the girl slightly amusing, the glint in her eyes that burned with the intensity that could not be matched, the only possible match to her intense gaze would be her younger brother. The vigour the two held in the past years was admirable to him, petty emotions aside however he felt nothing.

Making the reason he was heading to see her at the café that much more suspicious, he wasn't there for petty talk, no no no, he was planning his next meal for his restaurant; which coincidentally had brought him in this direction.

Maybe the nagging at the back of his head was slowly pushing him to the café to check out that eye patched man he had barely heard about on the streets, the one that had taken on a ccg investigator.

The door came open easily, the sounds of chimes echoing lightly through the building, as shuu stepped into the building. "hm, such a pleasant smell," the strong smell of coffee was appealing to the ghoul, quite appealing indeed there was also light traces of something else sweet in the air, something like human but yet not.

"as I thought this place has really calmed down…"he finished the sentence calmly lingering on the pleasant scent. A voice different from what he expected greeted him warmly.

"Welcome to the shop,"the voice was a young males, which tsukiyama ignored at first to greet kirishima-san and irimi.

"long time no see kirishima-san, irimi-san,"he greeted his tone held traces of pleasantries in it.

Kirishima wasted no time with any type of greeting, though her gaze darted away from him, as though she wanted nothing at all to do with him at all.

"why are you here?"it was a fairly snaky remark to him.

"oh no…can I not just come here to see your faces for a little while? Kirishima-san you're as cold as ever…well that's what appealing about you though."

"you're so creepy, you smug bastard."she remarked staring uncomfortably.

Tsukiyama finally caught eye that the boy who had originally greeted him, he was the one with the eye patch, he was rather frail from being a young man in college.

"A guy with an eye patch…it's you? You're the tough boy who could repel the investigator…"shuu's words were in a surprised tone, there was no possible way this frail small boy could manage that feat.

"ah hello, I'm kaneki,"the boy was nervous as he spoke, shuu ignored kaneki's nervousness and continued speaking, gawking around him. This was the source of the sweet smell, the tasty smell.

"kaneki-kun huh? You're much more delicate looking than I expected,"

The boy was confused and yet didn't move out of fear, allowing shuu to swoop in and take a whiff of the boys scent to make sure it was him.

"what a mysterious scent,"he commented softly pulling away from him slightly.

"oi! You're getting in the way and you're creepy so hurry up and go away already."kirishima was quick to speak and get him to leave the café.

"you're completely inelegant…"shuu commented to her before grasping kaneki's shoulder in an act of fondness."next time I'll come drink some coffee leisurely, when yoshimura is around too, see you kaneki-kun." with that farewell he left, the door shutting lightly on the way out. "let's meet again…"a mumbled sentence escaped his mouth as he left, he doubted anyone had heard it of course, his lips twitched up in a grin. He was plotting something indeed, now involving the eye patch boy…kaneki-kun.

Those times were so much easier on shuu, now he lay in a dingy apartment, immobile and disconnected from the world other than when kanae or his pet chie would come to coerce him to leave the place or in kanae's case to bring him food.

Which shuu rarely touched at all, only when the hunger got to the point where he would jump to eat whatever wandered into the room, whether human or otherwise.

Shuu hardly got out anymore, he had no point anymore, kaneki-kun was gone now, perished like so many other ghouls; but unlike the rest kaneki was his, despite the fact kaneki was stronger than shuu in so many ways, shuu still wanted to devour him at that time…or was it not hunger shuu had felt? Either way shuu was in a dark pit not even the books he had turned to at the last critical turning point in his life seemed to help his depression, they instead reminded him of the pale boy, kaneki.

His pain always felt fresh when he remembered the last time he had seen him, kaneki looked sorrowful almost to the point where he was considering staying by shuu's side, shuu looked pitiful after all. He was sobbing loudly on the ground begging, begging kaneki not to leave him.

It was a suicide mission after all, they had brought an army of investigators and kaneki, he was only one person, and to what save two lives that shouldn't concern him, he should have stayed, why didn't he stay?

Tears again, he had fell to this routine so many times, the pain would be unbearable to him almost more than his empty stomach, then he would be emotionless yet again, as though it hadn't happened and yet still sat around.

How long had it been since that day had passed…? Two years? Three? Shuu had lost count of the days for a long while.

Somehow despite his depression he got out at some points of time, kanae following him some of the times, others were alone, and very rarely his pet would accompany him and take pictures. Chie with that camera of hers, she had taken a considerable amount of shuu or just the general scenery of their outings.

It had been on one of these outings that shuu got distracted by someone, an obvious dove but yet…he seemed familiar, his white hair with black toned roots caught his eyes. It was as though…no…it couldn't be his dear kaneki. He had passed on a considerable amount of time ago, and now after all this time he'd surface as a dove? There was no way at all.

He disregarded this encounter, unaware that chie had seen his expression change as his eyes had picked up the other male, she herself plotting lightly, maybe if she brought the boy to mister shuu he would be more entertaining.

it was during another small breakdown when the pair of boxers had made their way into his room, shuu's nose had gone to a useless state as he starved himself further and further.

"the fabric is nice,"he commented lightly, looking them over, inside the boxers was a neatly stitched 'sasaki haise'in the waistband, which seemed a bit strange to see, why had kanae brought him the underwear of this sasaki haise.

"but do you feel anything?"kanae asked.

Did this mean something, had kanae found something shuu himself had overlooked? He sniffed, nothing. Another again, still no sharp scent reached him.

"no no, no feeling nothing,"shuu muttered out, he was disappointed, one more soft inhale was taken, a incomprehensible scent reached his nose, the only thing he could note was the soft sweet scent.

Yet the scent quickly fled his mind,it wasn't a big enough event to convince him that this sasaki had kaneki's scent.

He didn't even remember the boxers or the subtle smell of kaneki on them when chie had come in the next time alone, she held the fabric gingerly as though she didn't wish to contaminate them.

"smell em, and I mean really smell em,"the girls tone was quick paced as she tossed them at shuu. "I got these for a reason."

"hm?"there was curiosity twined into his near dead tone."chie I told kanae I felt nothing, nothing at all, now leave me be." he picked the fabric between his index and thumb sighing softly, he didn't feel like entertaining her today in the least.

"I'll leave if you actually try to sense something,"

Another sigh passed his lips, couldn't she entertain herself elsewhere?"if you insist, but after this leave me be,"

Shuu brought the fabric back up inhaling deeply to please her, there it was the same sweetness he was only barely able to detect it, the scent was almost that like kaneki's …his thoughts stopped as he sniffed lightly this time, the scent was exactly the same…strange. "you say this is an investigators correct? Sasaki haise?" he was non-chalant about the subject, if it was his dear kaneki then it would be worth it in the end, if not he didn't wish to get too hopeful over the matter just to be tossed back into the pit and into disappointment.

"yeah, i got em myself,"she held up her camera snapping a photo of shuu, he was reacting to the scent more than he thought, enough that chie was documenting the reaction.

Shuu's gaze went back down to the boxers, if this was true…why would kaneki be an investigator? Why would he leave what he had tried so hard to save, shuu was unaware that the previously frail boy had lost his memory.

"there' an auction soon for ingredient, and this is the ingredient I desire, very rare,"

There was a subtle look of satisfaction on her face, chie was getting entertainment now from the violet haired man, something that had been gone from him for a very long time.

Chie left soon after, leaving shuu to ponder and dwell upon the subject, the talk of ingredients was a lie for the most part, his longing to end the boy and devour him whole had disappeared over the years of his absence, shuu just wanted to protect the frail boy again, and also taste his blood and flesh as he always wanted to do.

For the most part shuu was confused by his own feelings generally. He believed himself to be unattached and without a care, he held no bonds further than that of a fascination, that was what he would have to continue to make himself belief, he was only fascinated with kaneki nothing further.

Previous scenarios that had happened with the boy however could prove otherwise, during the times where shuu and kaneki were in cahoots with the 'shield' and the other members in gasmasks. There was times where kaneki was unusually silent in his room, those times shuu would make his way in to find him asleep, or reading.

Those times could happen again if It were kaneki in the persona of sasaki haise, so shuu would await the day of the auction, sasaki haise would be his.

The first time in such a while shuu got dressed, combed his hair, and went to hunt, he would have to establish his diet in order to be able to rip kaneki away from any other ghoul that would be able to steal him away, he was quite popular with most ghouls after all.


	2. II

**[II]**

* * *

**In** the short while since shuu had began to believe kaneki was alive and in use of an alias, his appearance grew to be more suitable, he still was extremely thin from starving himself to the point of near death, but yet a seemingly small glow had risen again. He quickly found out that he had lost a considerable amount of muscle mass as well, he could hardly carry his kokahku properly when it rose from beneath his shoulder blade.

**Kanae** seemed pleased that shuu was beginning to recover from his depression, shuu wouldn't have called it recovery, there was hope that his dear kaneki was alive still, and it was keeping the ghoul partly alive himself; shuu was clinging onto a hope that could be so dreadfully false that it could cause the ultimate plummet.

**Kanae** was also unaware that chie had told him of the survival of kaneki, she told shuu it was a good thing and that he would only deter him from finding sasaki/kaneki.

**The** taste of coffee was something that shuu missed, especially that of anteiku it had a flavour that was definitely one of a kind, however…that place was gone, but perhaps kirishima-san was still around somewhere? making coffee for herself perhaps…

**He** alone made his way to a lone coffee shop that he had heard made fantastic coffee, also chie had said something about old friends? Tsukiyama only had the interest in a good cup of coffee, he wasn't ready to converse with anyone. Even under the pretence that he knew them before his depression, besides his thoughts were twined with the enthrallment of if the sasaki was indeed kaneki.

**":Re**, huh?"he murmered thoughtfully reading the sign, the near heavenly scent of coffee swept into his senses, even if his sense of smell was still terrible, he could smell a good brew of coffee in an instant.

**The** door swung open for him easily, as he inhaled the scent of coffee further, there was something else- a ghoul, perhaps his sense of smell was actually returning now.

"welcome to-"the waitress sounded familiar to him but she had cut herself off from him recognizing her voice, that was when he looked at her, the girl was recognizable despite she changed her hair color, the bangs she always had lay across her right eye lazily but she looked better than he did. Her eyes wide she suddenly broke in."tsukiyama what are you doing here?"

**She** obviously thought him to be dead or quite possibly gone for good, especially after two years of being very under the radar.

"if you don't mind kirishima-san I would like to just sit and enjoy a cup of coffee before we get into this, it's been quite a long time since I've had a good one."

**She** stared at him bewildered, it seemed that kirishima-san had almost not changed one bit, but there was a dwindled flame in her eyes, now, soft to the world.

**The** one thing shuu was good at was keeping up appearances, kirishima probably had no idea how physically low he felt, and also that he had been partly dead since the raid.

"sorry tsukiyama-san, but we're closed,"she tapped her finger lightly against her arm staring at him, warning him silently to leave or there'd be trouble.

"so either you tell me why you're here of all places or you can get lost,"

"I meant it when I said I came for coffee kirishima-san or are my words that unbelievable to you?"

**She** scoffed, same old touka, same old shuu, other than acting out he was fine.

"well even if you've only come for coffee, this shop is off limits last time you were around you fucked shit up,"

Shuu was able to deduce she was talking about kaneki, he had tried to devour him then which was understandable about his personality, he was quick to write kaneki off as food rather than an actual friend.

"I haven't come to disturb anything today,"he stated simply."may I have a cup of your delicious coffee? Black."

"fine if you try anything you'll be out before you can finish your plotting,"she was suspicious of him, he supposed in the past all he really cared about was having fun and disturbing whatever he could, also gourmet food.

**At** the moment he could care less about those three things, perhaps in the future he'd desire entertainment such as that.

**A** shelf in the corner of the store caught his eyes, he walked over looking at the titles, they were many titles he enjoyed.

**He** reached out for a novel, his fingertips gently caressing across the books till he came to a book, 'The physiology of taste' something he hadn't read in a long while, taking a seat to wait for the coffee, he cracked open the book.

**Kirishima**-san brought out the coffee for him taking a seat promptly across from him.

"everyone thought you were dead tsukiyama, how are you alive?"

"calm yourself kirishima-san, despite kaneki-kun dying I do not succumb to death so easily."

"that's bullshit,"she replied matter o factly."nishiki saw you on that roof for days, you weren't eating or moving-"the conversation cut short as her eyes widened at someone behind shuu, the door had come open then, and touka's shock became a warm smile to the person who entered, no people, there was another person with the first. kirishima smacked shuu staring her low voice threatening him."don't look., don't talk or you're out of here," she got up and walked over to where the two others had sat, shuu was curious now why she would say something like that, he didn't listen to her warning, instead glanced over to the table.

**Doves**, two of them. The same boy he had seen a while ago the one that resembled kaneki, and another, this one had dark hair and a darker shade of skin.

**He** sniffed, he couldn't scent them however the cover of coffee was too great, shuu sipped his coffee and went back to reading the book he had swiped from the shelves.

**Kirishima** returned after serving the two doves and whispered softly to shuu."don't go up to him tsukiyama, he's gone."

**So** she believed he was kaneki as well…but what did she mean by gone? Memory faulty, gone as in over to the doves side? Kaneki wouldn't do such a thing as that, he was loyal to friends.

**Shuu** barely nodded, he had other ways to bait that boy to see if he indeed was kaneki, or see what indeed had happened.

**He** flipped through the book pages looking for the part he was last at, another sip of coffee was taken, the low murmurs of the kaneki look alike and the other boy reached his ears.

"….you.…..harder…."

"I…."the other nodded a hint of anxiety behind his soft tone."I'll…as soon as….done…"

**It** was quiet again as the two across the café got their drinks, shuu pulled the book closer to him trying to immerse himself in the words, it hardly worked, despite the homey feeling of the café and the silence of the establishment, it was difficult. Shuu found his gaze going back to the look alike, white locks with black roots growing in, shuu still preferred the white colour than black, though both looked fine on him.

**He** pursed his lips in thought, had kaneki noticed he was here? Did he remember? He was suddenly brought back from his thoughts to the other one getting up.

"Alright Sassan I'll go finish that report right away!"the boy bowed politely and turned tail the door shutting quietly behind him, now they were alone, touka in the back doing whatever she did in her spare time.

**The** boy got up and went over to the shelf staring thoughtfully. This was it an opportunity to make contact without seeming out of place, shuu got up slowly and made his way to the shelf, placing the book back in place.

"if your looking for a good read might I suggest this one?"he pulled out a new book from the shelf.

'**The** hanged man's McGuffin' something that shuu had recommended before, but it was a rather good novel.

"oh a Takatsuki sen novel,"His tone was calm and relaxed, and yet it sounded like kaneki, though kaneki had a more shy way of speaking."I haven't read this one yet,"

**Shuu** frowned but his expression went to a small smile as the dove looked at him for a minute there was a hint of recognition that danced behind the others eyes, it soon evaporated into nothingness as he gave a small smile back.

"well I highly suggest this novel then,"shuu's smile didn't falter."tsukiyama shuu,"he greeted his dear kaneki.

"…Sasaki haise,"the other replied taking the book from shuu."nice to meet you tsukiyama-san."

"ah but the pleasure is mine k- sasaki-kun,"he almost had slipped up and got thrown out by kirishima, she was watching him intensely making sure he didn't try anything.

"tsukiyama-san,"kirishima-san grasped his shoulder, she had made her way over to him to break off the conversation."don't you have other things to do?"

"ah mon ami don't worry about me,"French unintentionally spilling from his lips."I was making acquaintances with sasaki-san here." his hand patted the boy on the shoulder, he seemed mildly uncomfortable with the sudden contact of shuu but yet didn't say anything.

**Shuu** was testing kirishima now, he had to see why she was so diligent in keeping himself away from sasaki, he knew why but yet why did she care so much was what he was truly after. Kirishima-san wasn't the one who helped kaneki reached his potential strength, she wasn't the one by his side during the centipede transformation and the beginnings of insanity.

"if you say so tsukiyama-san,"she didn't want to make a scene which was greatly appreciated, she turned away."would you two like anything other than coffee?"

"oui, another one, black,"shuu answered.

**She** nodded as sasaki ordered another black coffee as well, as she left sasaki chimed in softly.

"she doesn't really like you does she?"

**The** way he sounded wasn't as though he was suggesting small talk, he wanted to know the reasoning as to why someone as kind as her would dislike someone to the extent to try to get them to leave the shop.

"no, kirishima-san and myself have never gotten along quite well, and I believe she blames me for the death of a close mutual friend."

"oh?"

"well we never did see a body so perhaps he's alive and well, enjoying a new life,"shuu's words held a double meaning, he was referring to knowing who sasaki truly was and also the disconnection between sasaki and kaneki, they were different from each other.

"you think he's alive huh?"sasaki's tone was almost strained as though he was suppressing something."if that's what you think maybe you should look for him,"

**The** same words banjo had said once a long time ago to him, kaneki had wandered off alone, despite his evident strength shuu knew he was ill, not in the body but in the mind, he was having trouble now because of his strength the half-kakuja kagune he held was driving the boy mad.

* * *

_"kaneki-kun isn't back yet…"shuu mumbled lowly under his breath, he had said he would be gone ten minutes tops and it had been hours,"kaneki is fine tsukyama-san,"banjo was a bit worried himself but kaneki was stronger than anything else out there, he would make it back fine._

_"kaneki is in trouble, I can sense it,"_

_"if that's what you think go look for him tsukiyama-san,"banjou knew that kaneki was stronger than any of them and it wasn't like kaneki to get into trouble intentionally, kaneki had just gotten held up, and yet...no shuu had to check on him._

* * *

"um tsukiyama-san…?"sasaki nudged him."are you alright, you've been staring at me,"

"ahh sorry I was lost in thought, the sentence reminded me of something…but never mind that, sasaki-kun would you mind if I joined you at your table to discuss books?"

"really? If you insist," sasaki smiled lightly at tsukiyama, he seemed pleased the other was going to join him, or perhaps it was humouring shuu, shuu was pleased nonetheless.

**The** pair sat at the table, sasaki had the book in hand and placed it gently on the table."you're a Takatsuki sen fan too tsukiyama-san?"

"I've been a good fan of her for many years, her books helped me get through a rough patch quite a few years ago." though they hadn't helped until recently for this depression of mine."what about you sasaki-kun?"

"well I've always liked books, but Takatsuki sen has always caught my interest, her debut book was my favourite, she must be very intelligent to come up with this many literary pieces, and yet still managed to put a hint of genius behind every single one."

**Shuu** nodded."her literary pieces always deserve such a high praise, have you read her newest novel, it's about the ghouls that live among us, it's an interesting read I've heard."

"I believe that one's called the candy of the eye, right?"

"yes I believe so, the title is a play on one of her previous characters,"

**Kirishima**-san now made an appearance with coffee's shooting tsukiyama another glance, this time it wasn't one of utter dislike or worry for sasaki.

"enjoy your coffees,"she smiled at both of them, perhaps she had seen that tsukiyama only wished to recount the days kaneki and himself had done this, without the plotting to serve kaneki at the ghoul restaurant.

This time however shuu just wanted to discuss books and forget his depression over losing kaneki, his subconscious was falling apart slowly, because he knew this would end soon and he'd be alone again with his thoughts, there wouldn't be sasaki or kaneki, he would be alone again.

"thank you kirishima-san,"shuu nodded at her in gratitude, he took a sip showing his appreciation for the drink."this is by far the best coffee I've had in a while kirishima-san,"he said the statement adding his own sense of flair to it.

"no problem,"she answered."I'lll talk to you later sasaki-san, tsukiyama-san,"

"mhm,"sasaki enthused to her with a gentle smile on his face, shuu couldn't help but notice how genuine sasaki's emotions were. It was interesting.

**The** two discussed books for about half an hour longer before sasaki noticed the time that had gone by.

"sorry tsukiyama-san! Im late to cook supper for my team,"

"no no its fine I get it,"tsukiyama paused."team huh? What type of team?"

"oh I work for the ccg…"

**Tsukiyama** knew that was the answer but instead of pulling away from sasaki he smiled kindly."well I hope you enjoy your job sasaki-kun,"

"I'm quite happy with my job,"sasaki put a hand to his chin and smiled at shuu."um I enjoyed talking about books with you tsukiyama-san."

"we could do it again when you have the time sasaki-kun,"he offered, he didn't want to push him away but yet he wanted to see sasaki more."if you want I can give you my contact information and we can set up something for another time,"

"c-can we? That would be nice…"sasaki happily smiled at him.

**Shuu's** chest tightened."alright then here's the number you may call when you want to set up something." shuu produced a pen from his pocket and wrote a series of digits on sasaki's hand and smiled."see you later sasaki-kun."

He nodded his cheeks a slight tinge off what they were before, shuu found the new shade interesting, was it something he had done?

**Shuu** didn't care right now, if sasaki would let him he would help, shuu was now half sure that kaneki had lost his memory.

**The** only thing that had furthered his thoughts was when kirishima-san finally sat down, yomo leaning close by listening into the conversation, the ghoul hardly said a word instead leaving touka to finally ask shuu the words he dreaded to hear from her mouth

"so can you see that kaneki doesn't remember_ you?"_


End file.
